Black Friday

Image Source: Digitaltrends.com

Black Friday is a mental fart that makes us all rush to the store to buy those advertised specials like Pavlov's Dog salivates for the dinner bell. Imagine what we must look like to the overseers of the holiday retail games as they sit on high looking down at us shopping like our lives depended on it. May the odds be ever in your favor. There we are, running around like rabid animals, foaming at the mouth over $19.00 electric blankets and $5.00 DVDs. We snatch, grab and in some cases trample over our fellow shoppers just to make sure we get that last doll, the one that was touted to be the IT toy this year. It’s an insane scene.

We get up at three o'clock Friday morning to stand in line until six a.m., when the store manager opens the door and yells GO! At least that's how it used to be. Recently we've been given the generous option to leave grandma with the holiday clean up while we work off our Thanksgiving meal by rushing to the stores at six o'clock Thursday evening, and start our shopping early. How thoughtful.

We set our strategies, we have our carts in hand, revving them up so that we can be the first ones inside the doors when the games begin. Some people bring a partner, hoping it will give them the upper hand as they send them off in a different direction, synchronizing their time to meet at the finish line. . .and wait for long minutes to checkout. Oh, joy.

I vote we nip this Pavlovian conditioning in the bud, and ignore the hype. Stay home. As a matter of fact I say we should only give out homemade gifts this year. Build a birdhouse, knit a sweater, découpage a picture frame or bake someone's favorite desert. As for the kids? Well, that's going to be a tough one. . . Can we tell them Santa took this year off?