Udderly Ridiculous

Why are women showing so much boobage? There is front boob, side boob, under boob. Why? What's going on with the mammary? Whatever happened to the mystery of the breast. The allure? Or just some good old-fashioned modesty? Breast are a wonderful thing. A mystery to be unfolded. Breast were never something that you took for granted. Steps had to be taken to reach that goal. They were a part of the dating dance. Kissing was a given. At the end of a date you were pretty sure the evening would end with a goodnight kiss. But reaching second base (actually getting your grubby paws on the prized mounds), was a privilege, yes, I said privilege, that a woman made you work for. Nowadays, it's so random. You don’t even have to know who a woman is to see her cup size. I say, what’s wrong with a little teasing? Leaving something to the imagination? Being somewhat titillating, so to speak?

My mother used to say, “Enough is enough, and too much is nasty.” Did I mention my mother was known for her insight? Well, she was. Women have lost the fine art of seduction, and that’s a shame. They don’t make you work for it anymore, and as far as I’m concerned having to earn it is a big part of appreciating it when you finally get it. But it seems those days are long past, women put their breast right out there for you, me and any kid riding by on a skateboard to see.

My grandmother used to say, “People will go as far as you allow them to go.” Grandma was a font of wisdom. She was the one who told my mother about too much being nasty. Grandma was right. I think at the rate that things are moving women will be bouncing around totally naked in the next ten years. . . Now that I think about it, didn’t they pass that law in New York that allow women to go topless, just like the men? On second thought, maybe it will only take five years for them to be totally naked.

Now, I’m not complaining about a few free looks. I'm an adult. If a woman wants to show me a pair, I’ll gladly look, but I’m not so sure a pre-teen boy, taking a shortcut through Central Park should have to run the risk of seeing a pair of boobies up close and personal. That’s a lesson that should be learned when he sneaks his father’s Playboy magazine off of the top shelf of his closet, and rifles through the pages before dad discovers it's missing. (See? That's another step in earning it)

But there’s internet porn, you say. Kids can see things a lot more mind-blowing than an innocent pair of breast. Yes, you’re right, I respond. And that’s a whole nother story. My grandmother used to say, “Don’t go swimming in a pond until you know how deep the water is.” I told you she was a font. Internet porn is a pond of uncharted waters for me, so my first thought is, parental settings? Yes? My second thought is, maybe I should do a little research. I mean, I do have to give an informed opinion. Right?