The Kardashians

You would think that a Kardashian mental fart would slide out nice and easy, with barely a sound. After all they are nothing more than foul smelling air, right? But it’s a little more difficult than that. These people are famous for doing nothing, so the question becomes. . . how do you get rid of nothing?

To evacuate this family drastic measures may have to be taken. Something like a mental enema. A build up of pressure may be necessary ‘cause they ain’t gonna go easy. I thought they were heading toward the exit when Kardashian #1 had a baby. Yes! Something other than herself to concentrate on. Then what did she do? She instagramed a picture of her overly bulbous behind, and reminded us all of why we know who she is in the first place.

And as if it’s not a big enough burden on society having to pay constant attention to the children, the momanger gets into the act when she is photographed hanging out with the Girls Gone Wild guy, while her husband of 22 years is photographed out grocery shopping with a ponytail hanging out of the hole in the back of his ball cap, with a caption announcing that he now wants to be a woman. Needless to say the momanger and the ex-Olympian are on their way to divorce court.

Recently, Kardashian #2’s pro athlete husband was alleged to have drug problems, and he is filmed weekly doing or saying something very odd.

One of the lesser Kardashians, who purports to be a model, was photographed with her nipples showing through a see-through garment. Her dad, the ponytail guy, said that’s what models do. Two of the youngest Kardashians have been caught leaving a club (that they were way too young to be admitted into in the first place) looking wasted as they were driven away.

Recently, Kardashian #1 was proposed to by her baby’s daddy, and all of a sudden it looked like she was about to become a legitimate wife and mother. Then a video was released. . . no, not another one of THOSE kind of videos. Well, not exactly. It’s a video of her kind of having simulated sex with the baby’s daddy on a motorcycle. . .man, she is a class act.

And it goes on and on. There have been comparisons to the president and first lady. Kardashian #1’s fiancé has recently let us all know that the family is the official ambassadors of interracial relationships, and I think I saw them in a Sears commercial, but I switched the channel before I could look into their eyes. And, oh, by the way, our year long wait is over. . . The official Kardashian Holiday card is out! Yippee! The one in this post is so last year!

What’s so frightening about this family is that I know all of this about them, and I am a person that purposefully avoids everything that has to do with these people. I have never seen one episode of their show, or watched or read any interviews that they have ever given. But that doesn’t matter because they are a viral pandemic. There is no escaping them.

I have come to the sad conclusion that multiple mental farts will be required to get rid of these people, because they have created some kind of blockage in the system. We may all need to make appointments with our doctors to get brain bariums, or high colonics of the mind, because it’s very possible that they might have attached themselves to our cerebral cortex, and are now nesting, giving birth to parasitic worms that will eventually burrow in deeper, keeping the memory of these people alive forever. . . Heaven help us.